nsync in black and white

Fiction by Pen . . . . . not real, made up, purely intended for entertainment

Free Range

inspired by a cracked request from Raven

JC was holding up a pair of Y-fronts that were surely too big for AJ's skinny frame, and looking indignant. "What's with the baggy underpants, man?"

Damn it, he knew he should have gotten to the laundry first. "I need. I needtomakesureitdoesn'tfallout," AJ mumbled.

JC, not unpredictably, looked horrified, and dropped the underpants.

"Not that! I mean, no! It's—look, I told you about the eggs. Last thing I need is to have one of those things sliding down my pants leg and breaking on the floor. Those," he gestured towards them, "catch them. The first two times, I had boxers on, and they just fell right out. Made a helluva mess."

"You know," JC said in a conversational tone, "if you keep insisting that you lay eggs I am going to get the men in white coats to take you away." He grabbed a handful of coloreds from the laundry basket and stuffed everything unceremoniously into the machine. "Seriously, man. Cut it out. It's old already."

"I can prove it. Come on." AJ grabbed his man by the left wrist and dragged him through into the kitchen. "Sit there." He opened the refrigerator and reached inside for an egg. The familiar itching sensation fizzed through his skin, and he felt the tickle building inside his nose, until—"AaaaatCHOO!" The egg in his hand flew into the air, and JC caught it reflexively and set it down on the countertop.

"Gesundheit," said JC. "Oh, and by the way, if that was supposed to be a demonstration, I think your idea of 'laid' needs some work."

AJ ignored him. "Man," he muttered, "that feels weird." He shimmied. The freshly laid egg wobbled against his buttocks, and he unzipped his pants and waggled his butt towards JC. "Take it. Go on, take it."

Nothing happened. AJ stared over his shoulder. JC's glazed eyes were focussed on the bulge in the back of AJ's briefs, and his face was frozen with horror.

AJ sighed and reached around. "Look," he said, putting the egg on the counter top next to the first one, "it's just an egg, okay?"

JC slithered off his stool in a dead faint.

AJ was kinda wishing he'd never told JC about the egg thing. But how could he have known that JC would—after the initial disbelief, terror and complete freaking out—get so, so enthusiastic about the whole deal? AJ didn't *want* to try and hatch one of them. He didn't, he really didn't want to know what kind of creature would emerge. If anything did. There was no reason to believe anything would hatch, but if anything did, how the hell was he supposed to know if it would have feathers or not? JC seemed to think it would be cool to have tiny imprinted Maclings waddling about, but shit, they might be hideous lizard creatures or something.

Fortunately, there weren't any left in the house. JC didn't realize it, but he'd scrambled the last of them for breakfast this morning.


the sequel

So, yeah, the egg thing. Yeah, it's still happening, but it's not so bad now I figured out what makes it happen. Seems I got an allergic reaction, that was what made me sneeze when I went to the refrigerator. We just don't buy eggs in anymore. See, I told JC we scrambled them and he kinda stopped eating eggs after that, so.

There was that one time, see, we went over to Brian's at Easter, man, that was embarrassing, I should have known Brian'd be into the whole traditional thing with egg-rolling and stuff, laid a whole clutch right there, six of them. At least, I thought it was seven but when JC and me smuggled them into Brian's kitchen there was only the six.

JC's getting a little weird these days, well, weird, I mean, weirder than usual. He bought one of those heated pad things just last week, in July! We don't even have a cat! But at least he's stopped asking if we can hatch one of the eggs. I mean, in what universe is that a good idea?


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