nsync in black and white

Disclaimer: this is fiction. We made it up.

Life's Driving Strength

by Mary, written for Lydia

"Dance is the hidden language of the soul."

Martha Graham

The door to JC's office was open when Justin made his way out of Kevin's office, his mind reeling from the conversation that had just passed. Taking a chance, Justin made his way to knock on JC's door but JC stepped out suddenly and stopped when his eyes fell on Justin.

"Justin," he said and there was a strangled tone in his voice.

"JC," he answered, his eyes catching JC's gaze and holding the look. "Can I talk to you?"

"Yes," JC said with relief, "but not now." He glanced around. "I was on my way to the studio. I just, I need to take my mind off of things and I can't talk."

Biting his lip, Justin nodded slowly but before JC could turn away from him, he reached out and grabbed his upper arm. "Maybe we won't have to talk."


It was the same studio that Justin had been to the night after the Philadelphia Ballet. It wasn't different than that night except the mirrors were now sparkling clean and the floors were just slightly rough beneath his socks from the day of dancing. JC hadn't stopped fidgeting since he had seen Justin, obviously not wanting to be near the younger dancer, but Justin knew he had to do this now and not wait another second. JC wouldn't talk, but JC was born to dance and conversations could be held without words.

"JC," Justin said simply, shrugging off his shirt to leave him bare-chested. "JC, dance with me." JC closed his eyes and clenched his hands into fists at his side. Justin walked to him, sliding a hand between his waist and his arm to place his hand palm-side down on JC's stomach. "We don't need music," he whispered. He slid a foot between JC's feet and moved them apart before taking his own stance behind JC. His left hand reached under JC's arm and curved upwards to grab at his shoulder from the front. "Dance with me," he requested again.

"I can't," came the whispered reply.

"You can," Justin urged and suddenly, he felt as if he were the great dancer and JC, his student. He started off slowly, rolling their bodies in small circles until he could feel JC's body give before his in the way a dancer's body naturally moved. "How well do you know me, JC?" he whispered, his hands moving and trying to smooth away the tension from JC's body. "Let your body know me."

"It does." Without another word, their bodies moved together in a dance that wrapped around their senses and took them away from the world. It was odd for both of them; neither had ever danced ballet with another man but it came naturally like every other form of dance did. When they moved away from each other, nothing touching but their linked fingers, JC felt a power surge through him, through their fingertips and when he pulled his body back in, he moved so that he cradled Justin's body beneath his before kicking himself into a full arabesque.

There was nothing else to do but dance. Their bodies intertwined with each other's and Justin couldn't help but grab JC's waist, dipping his upper body downwards and they stayed in that position, their eyes locked in a battle for control. JC broke first.

"Don't leave ABT because of me." Justin blinked and slowly brought JC back up but kept strong arms around JC's body. Bringing up a hand to Justin's jaw, JC breathed heavily from the dancing. "Do you hear me?" he murmured and he dipped his head to rest on Justin's shoulder, his warm breath heating up Justin's skin even more. "Don't leave ABT because of me."

He glanced upwards in time to see Justin close his eyes and he felt Justin's arms tighten around him. "JC." The way Justin said his name wrapped around him, cloaked him in a velvet blanket of warmth.

"I'm being serious, Justin. No matter what happens, don't give up this company, this dream, this," he paused, "this life for me. I'm not worth it."

Justin pulled away enough to look down at JC and leaned down, letting his lips linger above JC's. "You're worth everything," he breathed into JC's mouth. He kissed away any words JC might have meant to say and didn't protest when JC's hands skimmed down the plane of his chest to rest on the waistband of his pants. He kissed JC deeper, tasting every part of his mouth as fingers dipped below, past his edge of his pants, past his underwear, into the warmth that was begging for JC's touch. He pulled away with an agonized sigh when JC wrapped long fingers around him and he grabbed JC's wrist. "Everything, JC. You're worth it all."

"I'm not worth what you've worked for your entire life." He moved to touch Justin again, but Justin held him back, not letting him. "Why aren't you letting me touch you?" JC asked. "You want this just as much as I do."

"JC, I want this, you, more than anything, but we need to talk."

"You said we didn't need to talk."

"We didn't," Justin said. "But I need to say something to you too." There was a serious tone in his voice and JC raised an eyebrow at him. "Don't stay with ABT because of me."


"That company," Justin said and he let go of JC's wrist. "You deserve it. Don't stay here because you think it will make me stay too." He stepped forward again placed big hands against JC's jaw and neck, thumbs brushing over JC's lips. "You're telling me not to leave ABT because of you. But I'm telling you not to stay because of me."

"Justin." JC paused and gave him a small smile. "You know me," he said. "You know me more than you think you do, especially after almost a year working together, almost that long being together. I don't need to tell you what the future is going to give us." He skimmed his hands down Justin's sides. "No words, remember?"

"No words," Justin repeated because he knew JC was right. He already knew what JC was going to do, knew what he was going to do himself and none of that would matter soon. For the first time since their original fight, Justin felt free and light again. He felt like he could dance forever.


"Well, well, what have we here?" Louis bounded into the kitchen of the apartment to see Justin sitting at the table, trying to spread cream cheese on a bagel with half-closed eyes. "I never thought I'd see you sitting here again." He watched Justin give him a half-hearted smile and Louis laughed, grabbing the bagel and cream cheese, ignoring Justin's protest. "I know that look you've got," he said casually as he moved the knife over the bagel before handing it back to Justin. He walked to the coffee pot and started it up. "JC kept you up last night, showing you how flexible he is, huh?"

Justin almost choked on the bite he just took, "Oh my God, what?" He was suddenly completely alert.

"Oh, yeah," Louis nodded knowingly. "Amazing little thing, isn't he? Did he do that thing with the leg and the headboard with his hands all," Louis moved to try and do the position standing up when JC walked in. "Oh, hi, JC."

"Don't listen to him," JC said with a grin to Justin. "He does this to anyone who sleeps over, including my female friends." He sat on the chair next to Justin and grabbed his bagel and took a bite. "You okay?" he asked in a softer tone, angling his body so Louis couldn't hear them.

"Yeah," Justin nodded. He smiled at JC, his eyes sparkling. "I'm glad we talked last night. I mean, really talked." JC nodded. "Though, you know, the not-talking parts were great too."

"Well, I'm glad you thought so," he laughed loudly and stood up. "I gotta go get ready for a rehearsal. I'll see you later?"

"Yeah, after my rehearsal right?" JC nodded and pressed his lips against Justin's. "See you then." After JC left the room for the bathroom, Justin stood up and gathered the little belongings he had had with him at the studio the day before. Before he walked out the door, he turned to Louis, "And he did do the leg thing with the headboard." He winked and walked out.


"Justin." Justin stopped when he heard Kevin calling his name after rehearsal. He motioned for Justin to come over and he did so. "Something happened," Kevin mused.

"What do you mean, sir?"

"You danced phenomenally today, Justin. You haven't danced that way in a while." He raised an eyebrow. "You may have a career yet."

Justin didn't say anything, just smiled, and Kevin let him go.


"The Café?"

"Yeah," Justin said at the suggestion and when he and JC walked out of the studio building and down the steps, their hands found each other's. "Two weeks until the workshop," Justin said even though JC knew.

"Mm-hmm," JC hummed as he pulled Justin in closer to him. "Two more weeks until you find out your fate."

"Two more till you decide what yours is."

"I thought you already knew," JC said pointedly as they walked into the restaurant. JC held up two fingers and they followed the hostess to a table in the back.

"I do," Justin said. "No one else does."

"You're the only one that matters enough to need to know."

"You're so cheesy." He opened the menu but moved his foot to rest between JC's feet so they were still touching. "Ever since we talked and worked things out, you've gotten incredibly romantic, in that cheesy way."

"You care?" and just like that, JC the great dancer and known diva came out at the table. He raised an eyebrow and stared Justin down in an icy hot stare. When Justin didn't answer, JC let the corners of his lips curl up in a smirk and dragged his tongue over his top lip slowly, as if daring Justin to answer him. His fingers reached for his glass of water and he brought it to his lips, taking a small sip before setting it back down in calculated moves. Justin coughed. "I didn't think so," and JC winked at him.




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