"So there's something I've been meaning to ask you."
"Okay, shoot."
"Why do you always say that thing you say?"
"What?"
"You always say, Lance likes good-looking guys."
There's a snort, because Chris is winding up. "I always say that. Absolutely. Hey, Chris, you want another beer? Lance likes good-looking guys. Hi Chris, how's it hanging? Lance likes good-looking guys. Here's your laundry, Mr Kirkpatrick. Thanks, and oh, yeah, Lance likes good-looking guys."
"Ass."
"Lance likes good-looking guys."
"You do, though. When anyone asks you if I ever, uh, came on to you. That's what you say."
"It's true, isn't it?"
"Hmm. Aside from how it makes me seem all kinds of shallow—"
"Oh, come on, Bass, like you ever date trolls!"
"That's not the point. I mean, Joey—"
"Joey said he knew you were gay when you laid one on him, which I happen to know for a fact is a total lie. Is that what you want me to say?"
"Joey is going to get his ass spanked next time I see him."
"That's probably what he wants. Kinky bastard."
"If you want me to spank your ass, Chris, you only have to ask. Right now, though, you can stop changing the subject. We're not talking about Joey, we're talking about you."
"Do we hafta?"
"Seriously, Chris, it sounds like you don't think you're good-looking."
"Not my thing. I'm the crazy one, remember?"
"I remember you used to be the crazy one, yes." There's a sharp edge to Lance's tone as he says it. Used to be. "In public, at least. Seems like you're pretty much sane now."
"Hmph." Apparently Chris can't decide whether that's a compliment or not. "Anyhow, what am I supposed to say? Oh, sure, Lance jumped me years ago? I mean, you wouldn't want me to lie, would you?"
"I was supposed to jump you years ago? You could have said."
"And confuse you with my overwhelming sexy self? Nah."
"You are sexy, you know."
"Sure."
Lance sighs. "You have the sexiest eyes ever."
"You can't even see my eyes right now!"
"Don't need to. I just need to remember how they look. Intense, and, and incredibly hot."
"Uh." There's a pause. "Okay."
"I just. I just—it's like you always deflect the question by saying you're not good-looking enough for me. Like there's something wrong with you, and there isn't. And I worry, you know? That maybe you think you're not good enough for me, or something."
"Which would be dumb."
"Yeah. Completely dumb."
"Though you know, you never did come on to me. I mean, what's up with that?"
"Okay, so you are the most irritating man on the planet. Which actually, you could say that in interviews instead, if you want a smart answer."
"Only to you, Bass. Everyone else loves me."
"Uh huh."
"Ask anyone."
"Uh huh."
"Okay, maybe not anyone. Some people are just jealous. Look, I'm not struggling with some kind of inferiority complex and I'm really damn good with my sex life right now, so can this conversation be over? I need my beauty sleep. Wait, I mean, I don't need beauty sleep because I am supremely beautiful already, but I could use some zees."
"Poor Christopher. You are getting old. I mean, the night is young, and you want to spend it sleeping?"
"Hey, I'm on Florida time, the night ain't that young. You're on California time."
"So you're telling me if I want a good time I have to do it on my own."
Chris hesitates. "You... could tell me what you have in mind."
"That right? You want me to tell you what I'm doing?"
"Mmm, yeah. It always sounds sexier in your voice. Even if you're doing the dishes."
"Doing the—oh, never mind. Let me just point out that I'm in bed, naked, it's dark, and the dishes did themselves in the machine hours ago."
"Yeah, and?"
"And what?"
"What now? What are you doing now?"
"I'm... I'm thinking about your nipples. Thinking about licking them and then blowing on them so they wrinkle up. You like that, don't you."
There's shuffling. "I thought you were going to take care of yourself. Not..."
"Not take care of you? That'd be just plain rude, and I'm not that kind of guy. Satisfaction guaranteed. Although, you did say you wanted to sleep, so maybe I should just bring myself off after all. I'm hard already, and—ah, yeah, leaking just a little bit, feels real good when I slide my thumb around there. Mmm. You know, I wish my nipples were sensitive like yours, I could pretend you were licking them. I think I'm gonna take some time over this, you just go right ahead and go to sleep. Don't mind me."
"And you say I'm irritating."
Lance chuckles, low and wicked. "Of course, if you can manage to stay awake another few minutes, you could help me out here. I'd rather have your hand on my cock than my own. Or your mouth."
"Didn't we already do this once tonight?"
"Yeah, like that. Oh, yeah. It's really not that late, even in Florida."
"What time is it?"
"Chris, it's dark. I don't know what time it is. Do we really care? I've had a week to get used to being in this time zone, and we don't have anywhere to be in the morning, do we?"
"Okay, I'm sold. Get yourself over here, you big lug."
"You know, it's a good thing I never tried coming on to you. I could never compete with lines like that. Hey, don't stop, that hand was just fine where it was."
"Patience, grasshopper. Good thing nobody ever asks if I came on to you, right?"
"You have your answer all ready if they ever do. Just tell them, Lance likes good-looking guys."