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not real, made up, purely intended for entertainment

Like It Says On The Can

by Terri

One year ago we decided to investigate the underbelly of America’s sexuality. The individuals who take fetishes and push them that little bit further. In our investigations we discovered a community called unique_sex. Created on the blogging site, Live Journal this community had almost 600 members.

After joining the community we spent months communicating with its members, until eventually, five of them agreed to be featured on this show.

Despite knowing each other through the group, none of the five had ever met in person. We decided to change that.

We arranged to meet in a hotel somewhere we could talk, and talk we did.

The first to arrive is Chris, a self-confessed mechaphile, someone who has an attraction to cars, or in Chris’ case, motorbikes.

“Thank you.”

Taking his hotel key, Chris picks up his small bag and heads toward the elevator. He looks back at the camera as he walks, frowning slightly as he indicates the surroundings.

“Fancy place, almost like you’re bribing us or something.”

It had took us the longest to get Chris to agree to appear. Despite his long posts to the community, where he shared details of both his life and sexual impulses, when we approached him privately we found he was distrustful of our motives.

Over the months that followed, we discovered Chris had been betrayed by someone he’d considered to be a close professional and personal friend, leaving him with a mistrust of anyone in authority.

It seemed that while he had no embarrassment in talking about his fetish, being paid to do so triggered painful memories.

Chris finally said yes when we arranged that all fees would be paid directly to his mom. After that was agreed, we were allowed to visit him at his home.

Although we knew from his posts that Chris worked as a mechanic, it was a surprise to discover that not only did he own a thriving business, he also employed a series of apprentices, all selected from disadvantaged homes.

Chris refused our request to interview his staff, but when we talked to them off camera, they all agreed he was a great boss and denied any knowledge of his sexual fetishes.

“I know what it’s like to go hungry, so if I can help give them a good start, I will.” Chris shrugs and picks at a loose thread on the arm of his couch. “They get benefits and a good wage; I get good workers.” He smiles then. “Plus, I get minions to do my work, they’re great at laundry.”

Chris has lived above the shop for almost six years now. Despite it being obvious he could afford to move somewhere bigger, he maintains that the small apartment is perfect for what he needs. It also gives him twenty-four-seven access to the motorbikes in his care.

“That’s a Sportster 1200R, she’s got a busted fuel line right now, but we can easily fix that, can’t we, baby?” Crouching down, Chris rests his hand against the shining fuel tank and presses a kiss against the metal.

He stands and indicates another motorbike, this one parked on a hoist. “That’s Blue Flash Steeler, Steel for short. She’s my favourite, aren’t you, gorgeous?” Sitting astride the bike, Chris leans forward and wraps his arms around the handle bars, nuzzling against the grips. A last caress and he gets back off and presses a button that starts to lift the hoist, raising Steel to waist height. “She loves taking it and has the smoothest tail pipe, especially if you add a little grease.”

When Chris started to unzip his pants, we left. Some things you need to do alone.

“Nice room,” Chris says, and he flops down onto the bed his arms outstretched. Almost immediately he stands back up and investigates the bathroom, opens the closet doors, and finally pulls the curtains so he can look outside.

After initial recoil he looks over his shoulder and says, “I hate heights.” Then he presses forward, hands against the glass as he looks down at the parking lot that’s situated right below.

“It’s beautiful,” he whispers. “Come see.”

He points at a Road King and adjusts himself in his pants, looking for a long while until he moves away, turning his back to the window. “When did you say the others are coming? Because if I have time….”

When we told him the others were due within the next hour, Chris hurried from the room. We caught up with him in the parking lot, examining the bike that had attracted his attention.

“Isn’t she gorgeous,” Chris says, and runs his hand over the handlebars of the bike,. “You can tell she’s looked after well, look at that shine.”

It was then Justin arrived.

Justin was one of the ‘newbs’ on the community, a name given to people who had recently joined. Within a week he struck up a friendship with Chris, leaving a comment on every one of his posts. It was interesting to see their relationship grow, the two of them seeming to click from the start.

When Justin finally posted his own entry to the community, he confessed to having sexual feelings for older women. Which as we’d discovered, was one of the tamer fetishes in that particular group. Greeted warmly by the other members, Justin was soon sharing how he would masturbate while thinking about tan pantyhose and pastel blouses.

We first met Justin at the home he shares with his mom and step-dad, and quickly discovered that Justin had not only shared his fetish with his mom, she was fully supportive of his desires.

“Of course Justin told me, he tells me everything,” Lynn says, looking directly at the camera. “I always tell him. Justin, the bond between mother and son is a precious thing and nothing he can tell me would change that.”

Justin smiles and rests his hand on top of his mom’s. “It took me a while to tell her, and - this is a funny story - she thought I was working up to tell her I was gay.”

“That’s true,” Lynn says, and turns a little on the sofa so she can re-arrange one of Justin’s curls. She smiles, attention on Justin, then turns back to the camera. “He kept shutting his laptop when I walked in the room, and I noticed the underwear pages had been pulled from my catalogue, and when I checked his sheets I needed to change them every day. So I told him. Justin, is there something you want to tell me?”

“And I said, Momma, is it wrong to have unusual needs?..”

“…and he looked so nervous that I pulled him close, rubbed his back and told him that I loved him and would  always be supportive of his needs, whatever they were.” Lynn stops then, laughing a little. “I was also mentally reminding myself to look up the number for PFLAG and thinking about some of my friend’s sons.”

“You never told me that!” Smiling wide, Justin turns to his mom. “You were going to join PFLAG?”

“Sugar, I’d have joined, marched and worn the rainbow t-shirt,” Lynn says. “But then you said it wasn’t that.”

“Right. I remember being so nervous and thinking being gay would have been easier, because I could pick up a boyfriend any time, but it’s not so easy when you want an older woman.”

Lynn frowns. “Which is bullshit, pardon my language. It’s reverse ageism at its worst. Just because my son is young it doesn’t mean his needs can be brushed aside. So he prefers a more mature woman. So what? They’d be lucky to have him, I mean, look at him. How could anyone not want him?”

“Mom, you’re making me blush,” Justin says as he looks up through his eyelashes.

“Sorry, baby. But the prejudice gets me so mad.” Taking a deep breath, Lynn finally smiles. “But, yes, he told me about his fetish and I admit, it was a surprise, but we talked and really, it’s no big deal. Just another part of my beautiful son.”

“Exactly,” Justin says. “It’s part of me, but just because I want to caress less-firm breasts or lick stretch marks doesn’t make me some kind of deviant.”

“Exactly,” Lynn says forcefully, and leans a little closer to Justin.

Within a week of that meeting Justin set off to meet the others. Initially he was going to travel with his mom, but after an argument with her husband, she reluctantly remained behind.

“Momma, I’m here, I have to go in now. I’ll call you soon, I love you.”

Justin slides shut his cell and looks directly at the camera. Grinning wide he looks around, confident and sure as he hefts his bag and makes his way toward the reception desk.

It’s then Chris and Justin meet for the first time, recognising one another from the photographs they’d exchanged by email just days before.


With a last pat of the bike seat, Chris walks closer, assessing all the while. He stops, head tilted slightly to the side as he looks at Justin. Then, suddenly, he opens his arms and gathers Justin into a brief hug, before they both step back and stand grinning at one another.

“I thought you had curls,” Chris says, and runs his knuckles over Justin’s newly shorn head.

“And I thought you’d be six inches taller,” Justin shoots straight back.

“We can’t all be freakish giants,” Chris says, and wiggles his hips slightly. “I’m the perfect height for what I need.”

Justin screws up his nose. “You’re a freak.”

“You know it.” Unabashed, Chris starts walking, Justin at his side. “Come on, you can show me your room.”

It’s surprising how quickly Justin and Chris assume in person the relationship they display online. There’s no mention of the obvious age difference, or any evidence of small talk. Just two people who know each other intimately despite never meeting before.

The next group member to arrive is Joey.

Within the ‘unique_sex community he’s known as a cam whore, often posting pictures of himself inside phone booth, wearing a red cape, the flex of the phone wrapped around his penis. He also admits to humping the yellow pages, though he’s at pains to point out he always removes the ruined pages.

At the time of filming, Joey was one of the most popular users on the group, with a friendslist nearing a thousand watchers. He’s also unusual in that he has a long-term partner. Although she refused to appear on this show, she maintains she isn’t ashamed of Joey’s needs, and often goes out of her way to indulge them.

“Yeah, she’s cool with what I do. She gets turned on by the tights and cape.” Grinning widely, Joey runs his hand down the silky red cape that he has tied around his neck. “We’ve used this for lots of things; tying me up, a blindfold, you know how it goes, and the tights? Well they show off the junk to its best advantage, let people see the Fatone fat one, if you know what I’m saying.”

Lewdly, Joey rolls his hips and palms his dick before grinning once more. “The telephone booth thing was a surprise. I’d left my cell in the car and needed to make a call. Then when I was talking I got to wondering how Superman changed in such a small space and one thing led to another. Next thing I knew my dick was in my hand and I was thrusting into the yellow pages.” Joey shrugs. “It was one of the best orgasms of my life. Shame I had to share it with my mom.”

Joey maintains he’s always careful to ensure he’s alone before attempting telephone booth sex, and has taken to carrying a small packet of antibacterial wipes with him to clean up afterwards.

“It’s only right, I mean, what if the next user was some old woman and she ended with a handful of my jizz?” Joey reaches into his pocket and shows the wipes, pulling one out. “I rub the handset with one of these, and if I’ve left smears on the glass I wipe that too. They should pay me really, the phone booths always look much better when I’d done.”

Before he’d left to meet up with the others, Joey had posted a goodbye post on his Live Journal. At the time of filming, he’d had three hundred and twenty replies.

“Thank you,” Joey says and smiles at the receptionist as he takes his keycard. Pushing it into his jeans pocket, he looks around as he walks, pulling his case behind him. “You said Justin and Chris are here already? That’s good, I’ve been looking forward to meeting them.”

Joey leans against the shiny walls as he waits for the elevator and when he steps inside he immediately looks in the mirror so he can fix his hair.

When he’s finished, he turns, hands behind him so he can hold the rail. “I’ve known Chris for years now, we met on a different community and he’s been on my friendslist ever since. It’ll be good to talk about old times… and other things too.”

For the first time, Joey seems awkward, reminding us how difficult it must be to share his sexual fetish with the world.

“Not that I mind talking about it. It’s just a thing isn’t it? We all have urges, and if mine include telephone booths, well, that’s okay. It’s not like I’m hurting anyone, I always make sure no one’s around and it always feels so good.” Joey swallows and shoves his hands in his pockets. “The glass always feels so good, and the cord of the phone, sometimes it’s cool, or sometimes warm, and when you wrap it around yourself it feels fantastic.”

Or as we quickly find out, Joey has no problem discussing it at all.

“I tried humping the coin slot once.” Joey shudders. “That didn’t work out, and Kelly was pissed because we couldn’t have sex until the stitches were removed. That’s why I stick with the yellow pages, there’s nothing like the feel of thrusting into the book, the head of my dick dragging over the pages, knowing I’m smearing the words.”

Obviously turned on, Joey hurried to his room as soon as the elevator doors opened. We left him to it, having had word that Lance had arrived.

Despite having joined unusual_sex quite recently, Lance, a self-defined plushophile, had quickly gained a reputation as a party animal, a reputation helped by the pictures that he posted. Most of which consisted of him partying in bars and looking drunk.

With posts that veered between eloquence, sarcasm and juvenile humour, Lance was someone who was difficult to know. Despite always being willing to answer questions, there seemed to be aspects of himself he kept shielded at all times.

What he didn’t keep hidden was his fetish, and how he’d made over a room in his home to house his Doctor Seuss collection.

“Everything is in here,” Lance says, and indicates the room with a sweep of his hand. “I went online and bought the Cat in a Hat wallpaper and bedding, then I found shelves to show off my collection.”

Lance stands and looks around the room, at the shelves full of plushies and artfully arranged collectables. The carefully arranged books and over-sized cardboard cut-out Grinch that stands in the corner of the room. He steps forward suddenly, and picks up a small Cat in a Hat plushie.

“My parents bought me this when I was a kid.” He brushes his fingers over the fur, which seems stiff and matted, an obvious rip under the tail. “I used to sleep with it, and you know how young boys get. I needed something to rub off on, and it was there.” Lance smiles, wide. “That was the beginning of this all.”

On talking to Lance, we discovered that his fetish extended to more than sex with Cat plushies. He admits that some people just don’t understand what he needs.

“We were in bed and I asked if they’d read out some verses I’d created,” Lance says. “How hard is it to say, The hot probing tongue is at my hole, which causes a throbbing in my pole, go off quick and let me come, then in return I’ll give you some. It’s not hard at all.” Lance sighs, looking downcast. “They took it the wrong way and hit me with one of the Cat in the Hat figurines, breaking my nose.”

The fourth to arrive, we find Lance already in his room, an oversized Cat in the Hat plushie arranged in the middle of his bed.

“It’s good to see you again,” Lance says. He walks around the room, unpacking his case, hanging clothes, and casually places a lint roller, fabric freshener and a small comb on the nightstand. “I’m looking forward to meeting the others, especially Joey.” Lance grins as he arranges his book on the dressing table. “Just don’t tell him that.”

Like Justin and Chris, Lance and Joey had developed a strong online friendship. They would comment on both community and personal posts and Joey would joke that Lance was his online husband, something that Lance never denied.

Despite this, they’d never attempted to meet, and outwardly cool appearance aside, it’s obvious Lance is excited to finally meet his friend.

First though, we meet JC.

A member of Live Journal for several years, JC is a member of almost two hundred communities, the majority of which are sex or music based. He’s popular in the unusual_sex group and is known for informative if lengthy comments and posts.

When we first contacted him he was eager to appear on the show, and almost immediately invited us to his home, a small isolated beach front property.

“I picked this place for the isolation. It lets me work on music without interruption.” JC runs his fingers along the keys of his keyboard, and looks out of the open French doors to his private beach. “It means I can practice my choreography, too.”

An audiophile in an unusual sense of the word, JC’s sex life is ruled by music. He explained online how he would choreograph his sexual responses to music, often leading to frantic periods of time when he denied himself climax due to the lack of a perfect ending note.

“Man, those times suck,” JC says. “One month I couldn’t find the end of the song for weeks. When I finally found the perfect ending I gave myself a facejob I shot so hard.”

Despite being able to joke about it now, the times when JC is unable to find his music are hard for him. While researching for the show we watched as he turned to the community for support, his friends always willing to listen as he posted rambling angsty posts.

It was a relief for everyone when he finally achieved that climax.

“It’s like. Music and sex are bound together so tightly. It’s a balance thing and I take that to the next level. Like, this sequence.” One-handed, JC plays a quick burst of quiet melody, as he slowly runs his hand under his own shirt so he can caress his right  nipple. “While this is harder.” More music, this time faster, louder, and JC’s pushes his fingers under his waist band of his pants, his eyes fluttering shut as he slides his hand out of sight. “They’re all connected, and I need to put those connections together.”

We asked what his girlfriend thought of his fetish, and JC admits that she’d been called away.

“She was going to stay, but her family called so she went with them. It’s a family thing.” JC grins as he adjusts himself. “She’s the best, smooth as silk and twice as slick. If you come back you can meet her then.”

It was a sincere invitation, but first, we would meet JC at the hotel.

“It’s so good to be here,” JC says, and heads for the stairs. He glances at the elevator as he passes, and shakes his head. “I don’t go on those things anymore. Not since I got stuck at the back with a crowd of people and realised there was mood music playing. One sweet note and I was snapping my hips and grinding against some guy. He wasn’t impressed.”

Prior to the meeting it was agreed the hotel bar was a logical place to meet up. It would be quiet at that time of day, and a public settling would allow easy escapes if needed.

The first to arrive at this meeting are Justin and Chris.

Justin looks at Chris as they head toward the bar, lowering his voice he says. “Did you bring your thing? You know, the thing you built so you don’t have to fuck cars raw?”

“My SIU? I sure did.” Chris sits on one of the bar stools and takes off his backpack, resting it on the bar. Opening it he takes out a small foam rubber tube and holds it up so Justin can see.

Justin takes the tube and turns it in his hand. “So you just shove that in the tail pipe and go for it?”

“I wouldn’t put your fingers inside,” Chris says, and he grins when Justin grimaces. “But yeah. Doing it raw is great when you have time, but you have to watch out for the soot and sharp edges. This way I just shove this in, coat it with lube, and I’m ready to pleasure my ladies.”

“Right.” Frowning a little, Justin passes back the tube. “Before, in your emails, you said you have your own kind of intimacy.”

“And I still say that.” Chris smiles when the bartender approaches. “A beer and a Coke, please?”

“Make that two beers.”

“J,” Chris says, and indicates the camera with a jerk of his head. “Not a good idea.”

“Right, so I get to be on a show about sexual fetishes but can’t order a beer.” Justin sighs. “Fine, Coke it is.” He waits until the bartender hands over the drinks, then looks at Chris again. “So you love them?”

Chris taps his fingernail against the rim of the bottle. “I do, not in a hearts and flowers way, not like you and your wooing of older women thing, but yeah. They’re there for me.”

“Erm,” Justin looks uncomfortable and twists his glass between his fingers. “About the older women….”

Whatever Justin was about to say is interrupted by the arrival of Joey. Spotting Justin and Chris, he greets them enthusiastically with lingering hugs that lift both from their feet.

“You trying to look all manly, Justin?” Joey scrubs his hand across Justin’s head and then turns to Chris. “After all these years I was beginning to think you were only a name on the screen. What was it? That dewopdewoo comm we first met. Man, that place was insane.”

“That or the wolfboys.” Chris smiles at Joey.  Out of their sight, Justin steps back and takes a long pull of beer

Wiping his mouth, Justin presses close to Chris. “Those comms suck.”

Chris looks at Justin, says, slowly. “At least we don’t belong to Hey Mickey.”

“Now hey, no dissing the mouse.”

As one, they all turn to look at JC. He smiles, aqua bracelets clinking together as he’s swept up into Joey’s hug.

Together they spin and JC’s laughing as they send a stool skidding across the floor.

“I heard a commotion and suspected it would be you all.” Already grinning, Lance stops outside of the circle of flying feet, and waits for Joey to set JC down, then beams as he’s pulled into a tight hug.

“It’s enough to make me well up,” Chris says, and exaggeratedly flutters his hands close to his face. “Or throw up.” He picks up his drink, frowning a little before draining it off. “So, JC, you’re travelling alone? No Kate?”

“She’s with family.” Mouth curled down, JC settles onto the stool next to Chris and smiles at the barkeeper, catching his eye. “Plus, it’s a bit hot for her here; she doesn’t do too well in the heat.”

“Tell me about it,” Chris says. “Heat means hot metal.” He shudders and presses his hand against the crotch of his pants.

“I bet,” JC says, looking at Chris’ hand. “I prefer it cool myself, there’s nothing like slipping your dick into something cool and slick.”

“Fuck yeah. That first drag of cold metal, the rock back as you thrust. I don’t do it raw often, but when I do it’s mind blowing.”

“Personally I like a bit of warmth, the way the stuffing and fur feels against my cock.” Lance says. “I’m Lance, hi.”

“We figured.” Chris rolls his eyes and hooks a stool with his foot, pulling it close. “Come sit, you warm loving freak.”

“There’s nothing wrong with liking something wet and warm wrapped around you,” Justin says.

“Or liking it both ways, I mean, my lady is hotter than fire but I like the cold too. A cool fall morning, condensation fogged glass.” Joey closes his eyes and wiggles his hips. “Nothing beats it.”

At this point we suggested that the five move to a more secluded location, before the barkeeper dropped another glass.

Within minutes of settling at one of the tables toward the back of the bar, the conversation is flowing, with no hint that these people had met only a short time before.

There’s no hint of disapproval, no matter what is discussed. These men accept one another unconditionally and despite the varieties of sexual preferences being discussed no one ever seems shocked or surprised.

Of course, that was to be expected in a group of like-minded individuals, in the real world, this understanding wouldn’t be so readily available.

Chris leans back in his chair and scowls at the camera. “It does suck sometimes. I’m not hurting anyone, or doing anything wrong.”

“The thing is, people have too narrow a definition of what’s normal,” JC says. “We’re all unique individuals and we should be allowed to embrace that uniqueness. Why constrain yourself with what’s supposed to be right? Who’s to say who you have to have sex with, or that you can only love a specific gender or shape or thing?”

“People have problems with what they don’t understand. That’s always been the case, but it means if you are different you have to deal with the consequences.” Lance glances at the camera, then picks up his drink, draining it with one gulp. “I come from a traditional family, when mom found out about my plushies she cried and wouldn’t speak to me for days. Then when I went back home for a visit I found all my plushies I’d left at home had been burned. She said she didn’t know what was on them.”

Joey leans over and squeezes Lance’s knee, says, quietly. “You don’t have to do this.”

“I know,” Lance says. “When she sees this I’ll probably be disowned, but I need to live my life truthfully. I like having sex with Cat in the Hat. That doesn’t make me perverted and wrong. I’m still the same person I was before.”

JC bangs his fist against the table. “Exactly! Labels belong on cans, not humans.”

“I like that, I think I’ll use it as my journal title,” Justin says, and then quickly takes a long drink from Joey’s glass.

"And if there were labels on people, they should say things like...love-friendly!" JC continues, ignoring Justin. "Like 'dolphin-friendly' on a can of tuna. Which is a very important label, because bad fishing practices take a terrible toll on the sea."

“My mom’s awesome,” Justin says, ignoring JC in turn. “She says like my perfect dancing and singing voice, liking what I do is just part of me. That’s why she helps me out.”

Joey winks. “She sets you up with her friends? Nice.”

“Sort of,” Justin says, and looks down at his lap.

“Kelly was a little weirded out at first, but she thinks it’s great now, especially when I wear the cape.” Digging his wallet out of his pocket, Joey opens it and shows a picture of Kelly to the others, keeping it turned away from the camera. “Isn’t she gorgeous? She’s buying me my own phone booth for my birthday. Then I’ll always have someplace to go when they’re phased out.”

“She’s too good for you,” Chris says, his mouth curled into a smile. “JC, didn’t you post about moving because of people finding out about you?”

“Yeah, it was a while ago, before Justin and Lance joined the group. I’d moved for a new start, had a job at a diner and everything. Then they decided to install a juke box.” He hesitates, gaze averted from the camera. “I tried to keep out back when the songs came on, but I couldn’t stay there all the time, so I padded my apron pocket with pens and pad of paper and worked my sex dance into the way I moved around taking orders. Then one day someone took too long examining their burger, and I was at their table at the climax of the song. I had to come and it’s not like I even spurted onto the patty or anything. I still got the sack.”

“They complained about that?” Lance says, sounding indignant.

“Well, it was pretty obvious, the song was tied to this sweet full body ripple, and the end with this snap-thrust-snap movement of my hips, and I may have tweaked one of my nipples.” JC shrugs and then smiles. “Still, it was for the best. I decided it was best if I moved on again, and it was then I met Kate.”

“The elusive Kate, are we ever going to meet her?” Joey asks.

“Sure.” JC grins. “You’re all invited to my place, you can meet her and I’ll play you some music.”

Justin leans forward, his knee against JC’s. “Talking of. Did you ever start that song we were emailing about? The one with the doop de doop and kicking beat?”

“I did, finished it too,” JC says, and starts to reach into his jacket pocket. He stops, fingertips just inside. “It’s on my iPod, but I won’t be able to play it without.” He indicates his body with a sweep of hand. “You know. You can listen later if you like.”

“Or you can listen now,” Chris says. He looks at the camera then back to JC. “We all agreed to this to show, there’s nothing wrong with what we do. I say go for it.”

“I suppose.” Hesitant at first, JC pulls out his iPod and gives one of the ear buds to Justin. Putting in his own bud, he scrolls through the list then presses play. Immediately he slips back further in his chair as he slides his hand over his belly, slow caressing strokes that makes the fabric of his t-shirt pull up. A last touch and he suddenly stands, causing Justin to jump up too, and he nods to the beat as JC stretches his arms in the air before engaging in an energetic session of jazz hands.

That over, JC slows down the pace and leans back, his spine arching, his head tipped back as he licks along his bottom lip, then he straightens and twirls in place, making Justin orbit around him.

Eyes closing, his mouth slightly open, JC sucks his middle finger into his mouth, his cheeks hollowing before he suddenly pops his finger from his mouth and snaps his hands in the air while stomping his feet. Obviously aroused, he presses his hand against his pants, and then slowly unbuttons the fly, each button popped out to an unheard beat.

One last button and he hooks his fingers around the waistband of his jeans, pushing down until he’s got enough room to move his hand.

Due to decency laws, we’re unable to broadcast the climax of the song, what we can report is by the end Justin was dancing too, though, thankfully, his pants stayed on.

“That was fantastic,” JC says, and wipes his hand on a napkin that Lance takes from the bar. “It’s the first time I’ve done it in public on purpose. It’s freeing.”

“Hot too,” Joey says. “Does Kate join in with your dances? You’ve never said.”

Carefully tucking himself back in, JC straightens his t-shirt and then sits. “We tried, but it felt like I was making Kate perform, which I’m morally opposed to, plus water kept getting in the player.”

“Wait,” Lance says, looking puzzled. “Where were you dancing?”

“In the shallows,” JC says. “It’s not like she can come ashore, not without getting beached.”

“Hold on,” Chris says. “I know we’ve never discuss this, which we probably should have, but Kate, she’s what? Human, alien, boat?”

“She’s a dolphin.”

There’s silence, and then Joey says, “You have sex with a dolphin. Cool.”

“It’s more than sex. I love her, if it weren’t for the stupid inter-species laws we’d be married by now. She sings to me, and we swim and talk and the sex? Out of this world.”

Looking intrigued, Joey shuffles his chair closer to JC. “So, humans and dolphins can have sex? Like, actual penetration, because that blow hole doesn’t look that big.”

“That’s because you don’t use the blowhole.” JC laughs as he looks at Joey. “You use the genital slit. It feels fantastic when I slip in my dick and when she contracts around me I see stars. But you’re stuck with masturbation if your honey is a male dolphin. I give those dudes respect, they’ve got a s-shaped prehensile dick and whoa, I wouldn’t want that near my ass. Not that I would anyway, not when I have Kate.”

“Good,” Justin says. “It’s not cool to cheat.” Reaching out, he grabs Chris’ drink and takes a gulp. “So, no anal sex. What about blow jobs?”

“Not going to happen, not unless you want you head blasted off; when dolphins come they come hard,” JC says. “I had this friend, before I met any of you guys or Kate. He tried to deep throat this sweet bottlenose, and well, he was dragged out of the surf with a broken jaw and a mouthful of dolphin come. The stories he had to tell to explain that.”

“So why didn’t you tell us?” Chris asks suddenly, looking directly at JC.

“I did,” JC says, sounding puzzled. “I post about her all the time.”

“Right, except for the detail about her being a dolphin,” Joey says. “You didn’t even say anything when I posted about visiting Sea World with Kelly. I could have scoped out the fish and sent you some pictures.”

“Why? It’s not like I find fish sexually attractive. They’re kind of scaly and have bug eyes that stare at you, and unless you have, like, one of the big kinds, not that I would, because eewww, you couldn’t do anything with them anyway.”

“I don’t know. Who was that guy from the comm?” Lance taps his fingers against the chair arm as he thinks. “The one who has that ray icon and kept posting about wanting to kiss their little flat faces.”

“Wade?” Justin frowns and shakes his head. “Arrested for breaking into a fish mongers and Britney posted a paypal button to try and collect his bail, Wade?”

Lance nods. “That’s him. He has a fish fetish.”

“Yeah, but that’s him, not me. Anyway.” JC points at Joey and settles back in his chair. “No fish for me, though the point is redundant considering Kate isn’t a fish. She’s a mammal.”

“Fish, mammal, whatever.” Joey shrugs and shifts in his seat. “Tell me more. Have you ever gone down on her?” He looks around, grinning at the resulting laughter.

Lance laughs and says. “It’s good to see you’re just as forward asking questions in reality as you are online.”

“There’s no point being shy,” Joey says, grabbing Lance’s foot and giving it a shake. “Talking of which. You said you’d show me your modified plushie, because dude, you explain but I still can’t see how something that soft could support a fake dick, especially one you wanted to use.”

“I think we need to see,” Chris agrees, "and didn’t you have some more verses for us?”

“I guess.” Blushing slightly, Lance looks down at his lap, then pushes up so he can reach in his pocket. He unfolds a crumpled piece of paper and smoothes it out, then looks up. “I’m not really a writer, not like Justin or JC, but I like it, so.” He stands, and begins to read. “I do not like flesh and skin. If I’m asked, fur will win.  I do not like my dick in you. I do like it stuck in Pooh. I do not like a girlie breast. I do like stuffing the best.”

Lance sits, and immediately Joey applauds, followed closely by JC, Chris and Justin.

“That’s fantastic,” Joey says, shifting again before abruptly standing. “I think I need to go tell Kelly that before I forget.” He winks and then almost runs toward the exit of the hotel.

Chris drains his drink and watches Joey go. “Looks like he’s going to be busy a while.”

Lance grins. “Or a few minutes anyway.”

It turn out that Joey is gone for almost an hour, long enough for the others to relocate to Lance’s hotel room, where they examine his modified plushie collection while raiding the mini bar.

Some of them hit it more heavily than others.

“How many have you had?” Chris asks, and pulls Justin upright. “Because I know we didn’t buy you any downstairs.”

“One or seven or two.” Justin giggles and flops backwards, almost falling from the bed. “Just enough for a buzz.”

Lance smiles, showing all his teeth. “Yeah right, the same kind of buzz I got when I shoved my dick into a talking Elmo and hit the exposed battery.”

Pushing himself upright, Justin looks earnestly at Lance. “See, that’s ‘cos Elmo is wrong. Spawn of Satan wrong. He has <I>red</I> hair and a big mouth and he looks mean. You should have a Bert….no, not a Bert ‘cos that means he’s cheating on Ernie.”

Pointedly ignoring Justin, Lance takes his laptop out of his bag and sits on the floor. Opening it he logs onto Live Journal and looks up at JC and Chris. “Want to comment spam Kevin with me? I’ve a sock-puppet I’ve been wanting to use.”

After making sure Justin’s secure on the bed, Chris sits next to Lance, squinting a little when he peers at the screen.

“Antidroner, awesome name!” He high fives Lance and watches him scroll. Together they read, Chris’ mouth curling into a sneer. “Fucking poser, I don’t care what he says, even if Brian does have the flared nostrils he’s still not a real horse. There’s nothing unusual about having sex with your cousin.”

“You know, you have to give up this stupid feud one day.” JC belly flops onto the bed and hangs over the end as he reads over Lance and Chris’ shoulders. “There’s room for everyone in the community.”

“Not when he says we copied his.” Chris scowls. “As if. His community sucks, no wonder everyone joined ours instead. Wait. Has he posted pictures of himself with cornrows? Tell him the eighties want their hairstyle back.”

“I think they look good,” JC says.

“Mom had cornrows once,” Justin says suddenly, and he pushes himself upright so he can see. “He looks pretty. Not as pretty as momma though, she’s the prettiest girl in the world.”

JC rolls on his side and looks at Justin. “That’s nice, sugar. Everyone should love their mom.”

“I know! That’s what I keep telling her, but she says we have to be discreet.” Pouting, Justin moves so he can rest his head against JC’s shoulder, Lance's Cat in the Hat squashed between them. “It’s not fair,” Justin says, his voice muffled. “You’ve got Kate, how come you can sleep with your mom too?”

“What? I don’t sleep with my mom.”

“Then why did you say you did?” Brows pulled together, Justin looks at JC. “You can’t sleep with my mom, she’s mine. She smells nice and makes me feel good and I love her.”

“Everyone loves their mom, it doesn’t mean they sleep with her,” Chris says, his eyes narrowing as he looks at Justin. “That’s just – fuck.” He abruptly stands and takes a step back from the bed.

“Oh hey now, there’s no need for negative emotion,” JC says. He reaches out toward Justin and rests his hand on his knee. “It’s good that Justin loves his mom.”

Chris keeps backing toward the door. “Not to that extent. Mom’s are off limits. It’s always been that way.”

“Yeah,” Lance agrees, and he stands too. “Hold on Chris, I’m coming with you.”

Chris opens the door and looks at Justin. “You don’t touch moms like that.”

Chris and Lance leave the room. Immediately JC shifts so he can pull Justin into a hug.

“They don’t mean it, sugar. It was a surprise, that’s all.”

“I know,” Justin says quietly, and he scrubs the heel of his hand against his eyes. “I don’t understand why people think it’s so wrong, she loves me and I love her.”

JC says, “I know, honey. I know.”

Leaving Justin in JC’s care, we leave the room and search for Chris and Lance, wanting to know how they felt about this unexpected development.

“It’s just, unexpected,” Chris says. He bites at his thumb nail, turning away from the camera.

“He should have told us before.” Lance jabs his finger at the call elevator button, then again.

“Exactly,” Chris agrees. “All those emails we exchanged, the comments and posts. Not once did he say that he fucks his mom.”

Joey appears from the stairwell. He looks at Chris and Lance. “Who’s a motherfucker?”

“Justin,” Lance says. “He just admitted sleeping with his mom.”

“Well, I can’t say I’m surprised.” Joey starts to walk away, then stops when no one follows. “Wait, you’re having issues with this?”

“It’s his mom, Joey. You don’t sleep with moms.”

Joey walks back and stands next to Chris. ““Millions of people would disagree, and come on. It’s Justin. I’d be more surprised if he hadn’t, especially after seeing those pictures of them together.”

It’s interesting to see the differing of opinions over Justin’s confession, especially when Kate had been accepted more readily. Maybe mom incest really is the last taboo, something so disgusting even car and plushie fuckers disapprove.

“What? No.” Chris glares right at the camera. “I don’t find Justin disgusting at all.” He takes a step closer. “And I’ve a problem with anyone that does.”

Lance moves so he’s standing at Chris’ side. “You can’t be saying shit like that. If you say he’s disgusting you might as well say we are too.”

Slowly, Chris says, “And you don’t want to do that, believe me.” He glances back when the elevator doors open, but he doesn’t get in, instead he starts to walk back toward Lance’s room, Lance and Joey following too.

Waiting until Lance and Joey are inside, Chris turns and holds up his hand. “No cameras.”

He goes in then and the door shuts, locking the cameras outside.

It’s the early hours when Justin, Chris, Joey and JC go to their own rooms. All of them refuse to talk.

“Morning,” JC says, and he waves when Justin, Joey and Lance head toward the table.

Sitting, Justin yawns and pours himself a cup of coffee. Hands wrapped around the cup, he drinks and then looks toward the door. “Have we lost Chris?”

“He’s probably still in bed, you know, after your epic discussion of momma love,” Lance says, grinning.

Gaze directed into his coffee, Justin shrugs. “At least you all get it now.”

”I’ve been out of bed for hours, and as long as you don’t hit on my mom I get it.” Setting down his heaped plate, Chris takes the seat between Justin and Lance. Stabbing his fork into the pancakes, he cuts off a chunk and eats, chewing slowly.

“I wouldn’t hit on your mom,” Justin protests.

Chris cuts through a pancake and looks at Justin. “Are you implying my mom’s ugly?”

“What? No! I haven’t even seen your mom and….” He stops speaking when Chris, and then the rest start to laugh. “Bastards.”

It seems that all differences have been sorted out overnight, showing that while disagreements may happen within the group, when faced with outside disapproval, the immediate reaction is to close ranks.

That afternoon all five men depart for their own homes. We watch as they leave in a flurry of lingering hugs and reluctant goodbyes, a friendship born in sexual deviancy but maintained with respect and genuine liking.

Setting down his bags, Chris looks over at JC. “You’d better invite us to your place; I want to bar-be-que, and meet Kate.”

“You know it.” JC grins happily. “I’ll set up a filter and post an invite and directions.”

Excellent,” Lance says, and picks up his bag when the tannoy announces it’s time for his flight to check in.

“I guess this is it,” Chris says. “You fuckers better post and say you got home safely.”

Nods, and then, as if by some pre arranged signal, they all press forward into a group hug, holding tight as the airport foot traffic streams around them. Eventually they pull back, and with last smiles they peel away from the group. Each walking in his own direction.

Within a day all of them post to unusual_sex and their own journals. The most highly commented post that of JC, who finally includes a picture of him with Kate.

Chris’ business continues to thrive. He still lives on the premises and has started an intense love affair with a retro Moped.

Kelly did buy Joey a phone booth for his birthday. He keeps it in his garden, a supply of yellow pages available at all times.

Lance’s Dr Seuss collection continues to grow. At the last count he had over 3000 items, twenty of which are modified for his own personal use.

Justin still lives with his mom. They say they’re very happy together, his step-father had no comment.

JC’s house is abandoned. The FBI report he was last seen in his boat, travelling toward the sunset, Kate leaping out of the water alongside.
JC kissing a dolphin


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